Search Me O God

“Search Me O God” song and video by Bill Hutzel

I had recently just become unemployed following the attack of 9/11, and was understandably anxious, desperately wanting to make sense of both the war on our country, and wanting to find gainful employment again. And so I became very introspective when things turned topsy-turvy on me.  I opened my Bible to Psalm 139 and the following verse spoke to me.  “Search me O God, and know my heart.  Try me and know my anxious thoughts, and see if there be any hurtful way in me”.  It became my meditation.

But as I meditated, I thought, God does know my heart. Why would the psalmist ask Him to search his heart? Why would anyone ask God to search their heart? But I knew the answer. It was because God knew me better than I did, and God wanted to reveal the deepest parts of myself.  Do you have the courage to ask God to expose the depths of your heart, to see if there be any hurtful way in you?

The psalmist David earnestly wanted to know what was in his heart so that God would refine him as fire refines gold. It is a hard prayer to pray, although, for if we are honest with ourselves, many of us would rather not face our deepest canyons.

We run and we hide from God saying,
⁷ “Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?”

If I say ^11”Surely the darkness will hide me”, it will not.

If I go up to the heavens, He is there; if I make my bed in the depths, He is there.

Should you, however, being purified by Christ who indwells you, take heed of the Holy Spirit’s tugging at your heart to govern your flesh, you will be changed. It is God’s desire that we earnestly seek Him, and that He search our heart so that He might prove us by His Word and reveal to us any hurtful way, and that He would root it out, for godliness is pleasing to Him, and in the end, profitable to us. Romans 8:6 says “The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace”.

As I continued to meditate on this psalm, my prayer turned to asking God to guide me and extend His hand to me. My prayer turned into singing, and “the praise on my lips and the song in my heart” became a song that ran through my head to the words of the psalm. I jotted down the melody so as not to forget it. I later recorded it in October of 2013.

¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

May God’s search light break through the dark clouds that storms will doubtless bring. May His beacon light be your salvation, His strong light into your heart, that you may be guided to safety and spiritual well-being. And may the song in your heart and God’s praise continually be on your lips.

Copyright 2016 by Bill Hutzel

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